When life sucks...

DISCLAIMER: I'm not normally one for self-help crap, overly oozy positive mumbo-jumbo, or any other "warm and fuzzy" style of writing. So I'm going to preface this by saying I still drink beer (and bourbon when I feel like it), I still drive too fast and scare my passengers, and generally like to raise whatever kind of hell is handy. But to balance that, I've found the following perspective to be quite helpful.

Stress, tension, depression, panic, and anxiety all inhibit positive change. They produce a chemical reaction that reduces the body's ability to think creatively and limit reactions to base instinct and pre-existing habits. When this happens, we are reduced to our weakest states and not left with many assets to handle situations properly. This doesn't mean those challenges have to be eradicated. Which is good because that is impossible. Stressful situations that cause anxiety or circumstances that leave us feeling weak and insecure are going to happen due to circumstances beyond our control. However, the instincts and habits that we resort to in those times of challenge must be changed so that we react in a positive and constructive manner. This is the greatest personal struggle of all: To be our best under the worst of circumstances.

To accomplish this, we must be keenly aware of our weaknesses and also the self-talk that perpetuates negative emotions and reactions. When this process is sparked, it is crucial to interrupt at quickly as possible and replace that negative input with something positive. Often this can be as simple as seeking support from a person we trust to be supportive. When that support is not available, the challenge becomes much tougher. Writing in a journal (or...maybe a blog...) can help since it forces us to be more cognitive of our thought process and that can often filter any toxic issues we might be dealing with. Depression is often a side-effect of stress and anxiety and can radically reduce our ability to handle situations appropriately because it drains us of our motivation to do anything. Lacking the motivation to improve our condition, we are prone to spiraling downwards.

This is why a healthy lifestyle is so important. Living healthy (spiritually, emotionally, and physically) provides us with something to fall back on when life gets challenging. This means having healthy outlets that stimulate our minds and bodies, directly counteracting the physiological effects of depression. For stress and anxiety, our body reacts by releasing chemicals that can be burned off with physical activity. Healthy foods help bolster our physiological chemistry against depression, mood swings, and panic attacks. When stress hits, an unhealthy diet leaves us less equipped to react appropriately. In the instances when eating well and staying active is not enough, there is no shame in consulting a physician to explore the possibility of a stronger chemical solution.

This isn't some push for gym memberships or strenuous physical activity. Everybody's chemistry is different and for some an hour of yoga once of week might be all they need. During times of intense stress, anxiety, or depression a more aggressive program might be required. However, it's important to note that the habitual maintenance of these activities are what will provide us with the strength and presence of mind to deal with life when it challenges us.

For me, lucky guy that I am, my physical body and mental health are very closely related and I find I really need pretty intense mental and physical regimes to stay at the top of my game. This means intellectual stimulation by reading stuff that inspires analytic and free-form thought, artistic inputs that impress (music), physical activity (I go rock-climbing once a week and I'm in a gym at least a couple times a week), healthy diet (LOTS of things I do here since I love to cook), and regular social interaction to make sure I don't get overly absorbed in my own thoughts.

The Dance

I'm cooking up a blog on humility that'll have to wait until next week because this weekend, I learned how to dance and I feel like it's important enough to write about while the experience is fresh.

For a long time, I've loved dancing but been too self-conscious to really enjoy it in public. In my room, with my stereo blasting, it's hard not to. If you've ever seen me play guitar on stage, music is something that I can't help but physically react to. This past New Year's though, I went dancing with a girl I was seeing at the time and I committed myself to having fun and not worrying about what other people thought. And then I realized that my worst critic was not how other people looked at me, it was how I looked at me. I felt that my steps lacked grace. They were twitchy and contrived. As the evening wore on and I began to relax more, my movements became more fluid.

I still look like a chicken with a seizure, but the metaphor led me to a much greater realization that really took hold this weekend and reminded me of the sensation I got when I took salsa lessons this past fall. The world twists under our feet when we least expect it, shaking our core and throwing us off balance. This can leave us with a sensation that literally feels like we're falling. Or being crushed under an enormous weight. I felt both sensations very intensely this weekend and at a loss for relief, I imagined myself dancing.

(The key here is imagination...)

When I imagine dancing, I am graceful and fluid. I am balanced and innovative. I move in unison with the rhythm and feel the music pulse through every limb. I happened to be on the 6th floor of the Drake and looking out over Chicago, I danced through every intersection and off every wall. Soon, my balance had returned and while the stress and anxiety still ached, I was armed to deal with it, face it, and dance. To move with fluid motions means not acting impulsively because impulsive actions resemble the twitchy, stiff movements that are not musical or beautiful. But this does not rule out improvisation, instead it provides a more effective way to improvise without acting thoughtlessly. When I am dancing, even in my imagination, I am untouchable. I float over whatever has shaken my balance and I am freed of the stress and panic of the moment. I am more me because I can think more clearly.